So things on the home-front seem to be taking a turn for the worse this week. We are still pretty much separated and I can't stand it. I did kick him out initially, but I was sick of him not working. Now he has a job, but is still staying at his brothers house. He might stay a night or two a week, but it sucks! He is supposed to be my husband, but it doesn't feel like I am even married! It almost feels like he is my boyfriend that occasionally stays at my apartment. A boyfriend who walks away when I cry, when in my eyes he is the one who is supposed to comfort me and wipe my tears away. My kids comfort me more than anyone, but I don't like them seeing me that way. I just want a husband who will help support the family financially, and be there for me emotionally. We were watching Spiderman 3 last night at Chad's brothers house and Peter Parker is talking about asking Mary Jane to marry him, his Aunt May says that a husband needs to put his wife before himself.
Today, Chad told me he doesn't think he can do that anymore. It's not like I want to be put on a pedastool but I would like some affection, in front of your friends and family (not just mine or when we are by ourselves), to be made to feel special. I don't remember the last time I felt special because of him. I am so lost and confused at this point. I love him so much, but if this is how it is always going to be, then I don't think I can do that. I always said that when I got married, it was forever, but it seems like that is going down the drain. My marriage and happy family seem to have disappeared and I can't do anything to bring it back. What did I ever do to deserve this? I feel so sad, lonely, depressed, and stressed. I pray for strength. I think I am going to need it.
Posts
1 comment:
Don't give up. Sometimes life sucks. A good freind told me it is the choices you make in the midst of that which sculpt who you really are. They pointed out Daniel Chapter 6 verses 7 -10. (It's not exactly what you think) His very life was in danger, and what did he do? Went about his business as he always did. How does one have the strength to do that? Faith, and perserverance. What would have happened if Daniel had fled the country? He would have really missed out on God's plan. Through him not only was the King saved, but an entire nation. We know the end of that story (the lions don't eat him) so it is easy to look at it and say how great he was. But put yourself in his shoes. He did not know how the story would end, and he still made the right decisions. I'm still praying for you girl, hang in there!
Post a Comment